Fighting The Tears

I knew yesterday was too good to be true. I got things done at work. It was a seizure free day for Ryan. Our son was in a great mood and thereby put me in a great mood.

But the tears started at the very end of the day when Ryan tried to show me the YouTube video he made for our son. This morning I was reminded of the video when scrolling through Facebook.

This morning I also found an article about a girl who had her brain surgery for epilepsy cancelled the Friday before it was scheduled. Her facts were nearly identical to Ryan and this Friday will be the Friday before Ryan’s brain surgery. Her story brought more tears in fear of what might be to come and relating to where she is now.

The tears are flowing and it’s just barely 7 am.

Hoping work will be a distraction, I head off. But today is about transitioning to remote offices and packing up what we need. It makes me think about how I won’t be working ten minutes from the hospital where Ryan will be. It also makes me wonder if I will even be allowed to visit. More tears.

By lunchtime, Ryan sent me and posted a YouTube video directed to me. I haven’t watched it because I can’t stop crying over the thought of it.

It’s now a few more meetings later and just after lunch and the tears won’t stop. The surgery is cancelled…oh, sorry, postponed… by almost a year. February of next year. Let a new countdown begin. In the meantime, I am just fighting the tears.

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