Angry With 7 Days To Go

Ryan has been on countless medications and they have all had side effects of some kind. And let me tell you, if anger was a side effect, Ryan got angry.

The combination of medications he’s on now hasn’t caused anger issues. Yet I feel like he’s been a bit snappy the past few days. I guess it could be the stress of the surgery a week away. Or I suppose it could be a result of him being tired from the side effects he had yesterday. Maybe it’s him getting used to the slight increase in one of the meds?

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s not really him but it’s me who’s angry. I admit it. I get angry when he is in the bedroom watching tv whenever he’s home while I have to force myself into a happy mood and play and care for the kiddo. (But really he is fighting the feeling of having a seizure or side effects from meds.). I get angry when i have to repeat a conversation that we just had an hour earlier because he was preoccupied with his phone. (When really it was a short term memory issue caused my medications and seizures.) I get angry when he falls asleep immediately at night and then complains he didn’t get any rest when I’ve been wide awake most of the night. (Really he isn’t sleeping soundly enough to keep from triggering a seizure and I sleep hard when I do sleep.). I get angry when he’s angry. (But it’s his meds.)

When it’s all said and done, I feel bad for being angry and feel bad trying to figure out if it’s me who’s angry or him or who’s angrier. Seven days to go and hopefully this won’t be an issue anymore because hopefully the surgery will be a cure.

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